Collingwood fans still at the MCG

The MCG is still housing over 10,000 confused Collingwood fans who are unsure whether 68 is more or less than 68, and who has won Saturday’s Grand Final. The fans, who struggle to comprehend basic information at the best of times have been completely thrown, and are still yet to realise the game was drawn.

Stunned reporters said the entire Collingwood cheer squad is still sitting behind the goals asking each other is Collingwood’s 68 worth more or less than the saints’ 68. The crowd has begun using a white board to calculate the difference, if any, between the two scores recorded on Saturday. Unfortunately, within four minutes of their calculations, it broke down to a penis-drawing contest.

The remaining crowd has even broken off into different parties, some claiming Collingwood have won, others insisting St Kilda are the champions. There are even unconfirmed reports that a small radical party has emerged declaring Lindy Chaimberlain was guilty of murder and the holocaust is in fact a conspiracy theory. It is quite a contrast from the mild-mannered, intellectual St Kilda fans who shook their heads at the outcome and left the stadium to continue with their lives.

Collingwood cheer squad member Baz Jones said he was sure 68 was pretty close to 68, but thinks Collingwood may have just won the game.“I’m as sure of this as I’m sure that I’m not a criminal, apart from that incident last year but we won’t go into that,” Jones said. Jones, a surprisingly coherent Collingwood fan, also said the words hippopotamus and rhinoceros flawlessly before leaving to search for his missing moccasin.

Confused supporters can still be heard whispering to each other phrases including “Wait, I’ve got it…..oh no I don’t”, “So that means we won?” and “Look what I just nicked off that blind guy”. The crowd did nearly realise the game was over when one woman asked where the players were, only to be informed they were all searching for a calculator to help solve the crisis. The MCG has announced that the annual Victoria Police dinner at the ground tonight, which will ensure the 10,000-strong crowd disperses in a flash.