Tosspot of the Week

You just can't have an award like this without Warwick Capper winning it at least once.

Like many critics of his footy career might have claimed, Warwick Capper's brief foray into Queensland politics was mostly show and little substance.

And the former AFL star handballed the blame for his failure to register as a candidate before the Tuesday deadline directly to the men's magazine that bankrolled his campaign.

The mag, in turn, has flicked the blame to Capper's manager but one thing's certain - the stunt-happy Zoo Weekly is the only party to have kicked a goal in the form of heaps of free publicity.

At noon on Tuesday, Capper was busy telling reporters about his desire to become the elected member for the Gold Coast hinterland seat of Beaudesert.

The only problem was no one had bothered to register him as a candidate before the midday deadline expired.

Capper, who denies his political campaign was a publicity stunt, insists the blunder wasn't his fault and he was serious about addressing rural problems including a high suicide rate.

"Zoo magazine were responsible for my application, because I'm working for them, and they said they would do it for me. I'm a bit dirty at them," he told AAP.

But Zoo pointed the finger at Capper's "self-appointed campaign manager" Mark "Jacko" Jackson.

The magazine also denied Capper's political tilt was a stunt, despite admitting the former Swans full forward is about to join Zoo as a columnist.

"Warwick's just about to come onboard as our sports columnist. So we were only helping out with the campaigning by sending some Zoo (bikini model) volunteers and were in no way responsible for his campaign," Zoo Weekly assistant editor Dan Robinson said.

Robinson said while it was disappointing an "upstanding member of the public" wouldn't be running for state parliament, it was safe to say it wouldn't affect the outcome of the March 21 election.

As the registration blunder played out, an apparently oblivious Capper told reporters in Beaudesert that his bid for the seat was legit.

He seemed mildly affronted by the suggestion he was intent on turning the contest into a circus.

"The suicide rate is pretty bad out here because of depression and anxiety," said Capper, who teamed his tight pants with a T-shirt emblazoned with Zoo magazine's logo.

"I have a lot of friends who are farmers who are struggling and I know what they are going through and I want to help."

But that's about where the serious stuff ended.

As he toured local businesses, Capper popped into a lingerie store where he fondled a mannequin, paying particular attention to the undies it was wearing.

"Hey baby - are you going to vote for me?" he asked as he kissed and fondled the mannequin before his manager pulled him away.

There's really not much more I can add to this. To be fair to Capper, at least he upset Pauline Hanson, so he deserves credit for that much. His withdrawal from the election means that I've now shelved my plans for a temporary move to Beaudesert. There's not much out there, but it would be almost worth putting up with for a few weeks or so just to vote against both Warwick Capper and Pauline Hanson. Oh well, maybe another time.

• In other news, why did some f*ckwit decide to shoot a cat 27 times? I wonder if whoever was responsible would be so "brave" if the cat could shoot back? I say let's find out by feeding them to the tigers at the zoo when they're found. At least would be more interesting to watch than the usual "suspended sentence", which seems to be all Australian courts are capable of handing out for even the worst of atrocities. Hell, if this keeps up, I might just have a crack at politics myself. I probably couldn't do any worse than the people running the country at the moment.